Narcissistic Running and Photo Phobia

Yesterday my trainer and I ran down Madison Street and a bit around the Arboretum.  Then we power-walked back up the hill. A bit more than three miles total. On Tuesday we did a two-mile run around Volunteer Park and the Asian Art Museum. On Monday we had a jaunt around Madison Park and ran stairs. It has been an intense week so far. Today is a day off from training, thank goodness! Friday we will do weights and core training.

I am finding more enjoyment from running with my trainer than I thought I would. It's like therapy - I chatter away about anything and time and miles slip by. For a bit it felt ridiculous to essentially be paying someone to run with me, but I realize that 1.) I wouldn't do it on my own and 2.) It's nice to blabber on and not worry about it. If I were doing the same with a friend, I would seem completely narcissistic. I am completely narcissistic on my runs. But that is because my training sessions are all about me. And that's okay! It doesn't hurt my trainer's feelings or anything because she is there for me. I am not going to lie, It's great.

In other news, the engagement photo shoot with BlakeJames Photography is this Saturday. I wasn't sure I even wanted to do engagement photos because the whole point of losing weight for the wedding (besides being healthier and more confident) is to look better in the pictures! Why would I want pictures of myself mid-goal?
But I can't pass up a great opportunity to work with Blake and replace the off-center, arm stretched out, point and click, framed photos of Ian and I with professional ones.
The plan is to go to our roof-top patio, Paramount Theater, Gas Works Park, and perhaps a walk around the neighborhood so we can include Lola SpecialDark Jamieson in the fun. It is supposed to be cloudy with a small chance of rain. It is too bad we couldn't do the shoot yesterday as it was a totally gorgeous day in Seattle.

I have to be honest with you, (isn't the the point of this blog?) I am really nervous about the shoot. I don't have many pictures of myself from the past 3 years because I have become camera shy. When I look in the mirror, or when I see my reflection walking by a window, I don't mind too much what I see. I am pretty good at focusing on the bits that I like and not on the parts I wish to change. I have been able to imagine myself the way I want to be instead of the way I am. But pictures don't lie. When I see pictures of myself, especially candid ones, it absolutely depresses me. I go through the whole self-loathing ordeal - Why did I let myself go? Maybe I should stop eating full-stop. How can Ian be attracted to me? And it goes on and on.
I am just being honest.
So my biggest fear about the engagement pictures is that I won't want to look at them.

Luckily, Blake makes me feel very comfortable and has assured me that the shoot will be fun and easy. Ian always makes me feel beautiful and I am excited to do "wedding stuff" with him.

So we have picked out the outfits, Ian got a haircut last week, and I am getting my nails done on Friday.

I will let you know how it goes and hopefully share some of the photos with you.

Thanks for listening.